My Borderless Mind

Lead Me Through the Fire

2008-12-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

So, I think to write something amazing you have to do one of many things. You could just be that good, you could stop taking medicine to let the creative juices flow, you could be innately sad, you can open your mind, you can listen to Sarah McLachlan, or do many other things. Or you can take me for example and mix a few of the things you see from the list above and merge them together, then creativity is flowing at its brim. I've had a day of melancholy, maybe its due to the fact that finals are around the corner, or it could be that I've felt so far removed from many things as of late: my athletic past, my reign of popularity, my knack to always say the right thing, my close bonds with others, my ability to always have pure and complete focus on a greater good. All of these things seem so distant to me right now. Maybe I'm just exhausted. I really think that's what it is, and I always get that time of the season sadness that envelopes me usually every dark/cold time of the year.

Why do I think the ways that I do? Why do I tend to see something different in everyone else? Sometimes I don't see the thief as the thief but the man who was supplying a need of his family. Sometimes I don't see the liar as the man who was out to get the best of someone but as the man who was in defense of his family and their welfare. I see a sad person not as a person who necessarily got hurt per se, but I see them as a person who is learning something as they are in the tunnel of progression amidst the southward winds to their face.

If you give me a notebook, or really anything for the matter, and with time I can create words that make you feel like the most amazing person in the world. I can make you feel like the most abject person on the planet, I can make you believe anything I want to. These are the powers of words.

A_____

Look above at the letter A. Just that simple letter can, with other letters attached to the end, bring about a war; it can bring about a marriage, it can bring about jealousy, it can bring about hatred, it can bring about love, it can bring about anything. THAT IS THE POWER OF A WORD. Mix this simple power with thought and you can achieve so many things in life. You can rise to the top of the business world. You can become president of the world. You can get someone to cheat on their spouse. You can do anything. Except for one thing. I believe in different forms of reality, or different spheres-yeah, that'd be the better word. I want you to close your eyes after this, act like you were deaf too, act like you had no arms. Basically I want you to get to the point where it seems like words have no effect on you. If you close your eyes you can feel a force, you can feel energy, you can feel light, you can feel spirit. In this other sphere, this is how communication takes place: not through words but through feeling and intuition. This is the only way that the word has no effect on an object. Have you ever noticed that you can't communicate with everyone you see? Drop me off in the middle of Russia and I'd be as lost as could be. The only exception would be if someone felt what I needed to convey. If I was scared, someone could comfort me in such a way to compliment it. If I was happy, I'd see other people happy. You can carry a conversation without words, it happens through emotion and through the spirit of God. What brings a certain word into existence? I need not go into it right here, maybe another time or in person. Let's chat.

Night lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady there now
for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong
it's all I can do to hang on
to keep me from falling
into old familiar shoes

how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see

love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
but you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning
in this desert without you

everything changes
everything falls apart
can't stop to feel myself losing control
but deep in my senses I know
Sarah McLachlan-Stupid

Its time to play guitar.

Shaun

Fortress of Solitude

2008-11-27T19:55:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my fortress: up a long, dark drive; far along a windy mountainous road rests me in my life. My life is crazy. Let me preface this entry with the notion that I'm feeling a little depressed because I don't know many answers to the questions my life is holding for me. So many things have happened recently that make me wonder who I am, and what I need to do right now. I wish there was black and white, how cursed be the color of grey-it always creates this ambiguous bubble around the decisions life has in store. Now I see question after question with uncertainty resting in my belly.

School has been great except for 2 of my classes. I should get straight A's except for a couple of C's in math and accounting (I sure tried, but could never get that nack for it). I think I've learned alot this semester. Alot about how to think especially...I've also learned alot of things from my religion class: its taught me what to look for in a future wife and the things I've learned have totally blown my mind and have given me a second take about how I view the whole dating/marriage process. I've also learned alot about relationships as I've been with Kelly, doing the distance relationship thing cuz she's in Hawaii, and I know now more than ever what I need as a man, as a person, and as a future leader. I don't think any relationship goes on without an argument and consistent with that notion we are just the same. We've had plenty of arguments, some big, some small, some with good reason, some over the littlest things imaginable...but out of it all I think I'm grateful for them because I've been able to learn so much about Kelly and how she reacts in certain situations as she has done the same with me. Under the gun, under pressure, we all act differently; some people put on metaphorical headphones and tune out from the world, some people set their eyes on the prize and let the consistent progression carry them through, some people conquer and gain power as they destroy, some people desire that victory and will do anything for it-sometimes in the process they lose sight of the things that give them the most strength, some people cry and stop fighting, some people give up, some people win, and some people don't even try at all.

I've learned the attributes that I want my future companion to have: she must love me, she must accept me for me, she must listen to me, she must trust, she must believe, she must have faith, she must carry the spirit, she must be on a spiritual progression upward, she must have a desire to have children, she must have the desire to be a mother, she must be willing to stand beside me in moments of sacrifice, she must motivate me to do better, she must be beautiful, she must be a person/an individual, she mustn't make fun of me, she must sacrifice, she must talk, she must be a giving person-to the needy and poor, she must teach me, she must love and listen, i know I said those already but they're so important to have.

I now face the reality of leaving for school in another state next semester: is it the right thing to do? I've prayed, I feel good. I'm ready for change. We'll see.

Time for a walk...

shaun

Standing in the Wind

2008-10-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome but I want to go home,
Maybe surrounded by, a million people I still feel all alone, I want to go home. Oh I miss you

I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you, each one a line or two, I'm fine baby how are you?
I'd send a book, but I know that its just not enough, my words are cold and flat, you deserve more than that.

Another airplane, another sunny place, I'm lucky I know, but I want to go home
I got to go home.
Let me go home, I'm just too far from where you are, I want to come home.
And I feel like I'm just living someone else's life, it feels like I just stepped outside, when everything was going right. And I know just why you could not come along with me, this was not your dream, but you always believed in me.

Another winter day has even gone away in Paris and Rome, and I want to go home.

Like A Saturday Night and Ill Be Gone...

2008-09-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here looking back on my day, how was it? Its about 4:22 in the afternoon and I feel like nothing has happened. I got up this morning with 4 hours of sleep under my belt at 7:00 and then I had to cruise it into the UofA on my bike. While there, I I had my first philosophy discussion, and then after that I had another philosophy discussion, and right after was kinda crazy. It was raining somewhat and I was on the phone and as I was cruising, a guy didn't look back my way and he crossed the road, walked right in front of me, and I hit him pretty good. I felt like a jerk...my tire took out his leg and then the handlebars gave him a check, like totally hockey style. He said, "owww" and then apologized for getting in my way. It was my fault. So from there I went to talk with my International Business teacher's meeting. It was cool, we had a pretty good talk in Starbucks on University Blvd. Nice jazz in the background, a pleasant conversation, and we planned out my semester presentation. I'll be focusing on the history of Mexico, how it got to where its at today and also Ill be researching the drug trafficing down there. So, since I know Spanish, I'm going to interview some dealers I know and others down there in Mexico to make this presentation amazing. I'm kind of excited. Its kind of when I helped Alec with her journalism project last spring...she interviewed lots of people who I found for her and then would help in the translation process but this time the project is MINE!

After that I got a really good workout, I lifted, ran and then did some boxing. It was great, then I cruised home and talked to Kelly for a little bit and cooked, cleaned, showered, got ready for tonight. But now I sit here looking back on my day and how nothing really stood out more than anything else. I just feel like I'm not very needed, I guess I've felt like that as of recently. I try thinking of my friends and family and try to imagine how they'd do without me. It seems like theyd all get on with their lives and wouldn't be too shaken up. I'm serious though, I just don't feel like anyone really truly needs me as a person to go on. Maybe thats why I'm not a hero. Maybe thats why I'm just your normal Joe.

This past week I've been somewhat more calm than normal. I've been wondering if what I'm pursuing is the right thing: for example, my course of study...is it really what I want? The list goes on...I kinda wish sometimes I could go back and travel through time and be that little kid I once was, who enjoyed summer vacation for what it was...pure freedom, no worries, no cares. Thats what I want, I want to feel like a child in again. Maybe that'll come the day I have my own children. I don't know why I've felt so down lately, I actually haven't felt depressed like this in a few years. I'm not sure whats up. I'm not sure, sometimes a few days of that clouded pessimistic mindset take me over for no reason at all then things change!

I've decided to go to the block party on university blvd tonight, actually right now. Its gonna be sweet!

well, adieau my fellow brothers,

shaun

ps- listen to the song called Yesterday by the Beatles

El Dolor de Mi Corozon

2008-09-22T00:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Journal,

Today was mostly an amazing day. The reunion of long past friends and amazing topics discussed at church, having an amazing meal from my mother, reading in the book of Matthew...as I, about 15 minutes ago, was reading the Sermon on the Mount, my heart was touched in a way it hasn't been touched in a long time. I came to peace with the person I am. Yes I do have faults, a good share of them, yes I'm not the smartest guy in the world, nor the most romantic nor "in" person in the world, but I am a child of God and he has sent me here, (he) has given me an Earthly home with parents kind and dear. I am so grateful for my parents and what they've done for me in my life. As I enjoyed my mothers meal that my little brother Eric dropped off for me, I realized how deep my bond is with my family. I know that we've been through so many rough experiences together as a family that we're able to overcome so many things today. Growing up, things were always tight for my Mom and Dad. My dad worked as a stone mason for a while, learning the trade...then he moved on to a local Copper Mine and became an Engineer there, then after another curve ball of my Dad being laid-off he decided to delve into owning his own business. He went on to purchase a carpet cleaning business, that didn't turn out too well, then he moved onto a temporary job of doing pest control work for my uncle in Tucson. Then after all that, after all the burnout and uncertainty, he created his own sole-proprietorship business doing the trade that he once learned way back in the day. My Dad did fairly well and developed an amazing customer base, based solely off the word of mouth as they knew my Dad would put a huge effort into his work. Well, after a while it became pretty big and he decided to go corporate and that's where its been the past few years. I'm so used to living with hardly anything, I'm used to tough times, I'm used to relying on a greater source for peace and love.

I truly am so grateful for my father and for his example. One day, around Christmas time, one of our neighbors came up with her three little girls, they were severely malnourished and my Dad pulled out of his pocket 200 bucks or so, so that they could have a Christmas. I was taught the values of charity from an early age.

I'm not sure why I'm tending to write about the things my parents have taught me, maybe because in my scripture reading this evening I was needing comfort. I was needing peace. I was needing hope. Often times I have to fall back upon the things I've learned when life gets rough, when life gets hard.

The past week or so of my life has been the hardest I've ever experienced. I've felt so alone, so disrespected, so hated, so insecure, so tired, so weak...and the list goes on. I'm not sure exactly why. Well, I guess the first big reason is because I haven't been able to see the girl I love, Kelly Jean Ingold, for about a month now. Its truly killing me. This is why I've felt so alone. I'm not sure if you, the reader, have ever felt the way that I do, but when you do your ideas begin to change, you become a different person, you start basing some of the important things in your life around another person. I had to do one of the hardest things of my life this past Monday evening as I had an interview with a gentleman. He required more of me. He made me give something up that I hold so dearly to me. I've been disrespected as a person by a few people this past week who based their views on me of the religion which I carry. I felt hated by a few people who wanted to hurt me on my bike cruising home from school, obscenities were yelled, hatred rose in the air. I've been so tired lately because I have so many classes and its so hard to balance everything perfectly. I've been so weak because of my phyisical weariness.

I guess I'm just a bit mixed up right now. I'm so sad right now for some reason...I'm not depressed but I just feel so blank.

I wish I had answers to everything. I wish I was so perfect I'd never make any mistakes. I wish I were a better person. I wish I meant more to the people that I love.

Tonight, I'm about to go to bed with many questions in my mind: what will this next week bring to me? What will I accomplish? How will I be a benefit to humanity? How can I change into becoming a better person? How can I save a love? How can I see the girl I need to be with the rest of my life? How can I fix the mistakes I've made? How can I grow? How can I help a friend?

I'm somewhat torn and sad, very contemplative of my life and the decisions I've made. Am I where I'm supposed to be today? Am I doing the things that I've been called to do?

This next week I commit myself to changing myself into a better person by a greater amount of faith, a higher amount of integrity, a greater amount of service, and a thicker heart of hope. I wish I didn't carry so much pain in my heart right now, but things come and go and whats right is right and whats good will stay.

I'm sorry to anyone I've offended in anyway. For the trials which I've made anyone ever go through. And for the mistakes I've made in my life.

I am a person and I am constantly learning.

God Be With You Till We Meet Again,

Shaun Nelson

1:12 am

2008-09-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

So today I saw this girl...just kidding. I constantly am reminded of that one Britney Spears song called Diary whenever I write that in front. It starts of, "dear diary, today I saw this boy and I wonder if he noticed me as I quickly walked away..." and yes, the more of those lyrics I write the closer I get to having to turn in my man card. So for that reason alone, Ill stop.

Oh my goodness I want to see Kelly. I'm not sure what to compare it to...a dog not getting his bone...no that doesn't work, a person missing his flight...no that doesn't work either, I really can't compare it to anything. I haven't seen the girl of my dreams for a little less than a month and let me tell you, its sure killing me. Its so hard to wake up each morning without knowing she'll be beside me throughout the day. Its so hard wanting to say, Ill see you soon! and not being able to do so. It so hard sacrificing, I just want to drop everything to be with her! Who cares about school for a semester? meesh! haha, but seriously, if I could do anything in the world right now, it'd definitely be to have a few minutes with her.

To all of those who are thinking about doing the distance thing. Make sure you really love them, or else you won't be able to make it. To me, each day that we make it, shows to me even more how deep our love truly is. Its an amazing concept. Distance can make something flee or it can make something so strong, and I firmly believe that me and Kelly are getting stronger and laying the foundation for an amazing relationship down the road! So if you want to risk things and risk getting stronger, then do it. It'll be so hard, but it can be done.

Its now 1:23 and my eyes are starting to shut. I gotta sleep. Too much school these days!

Shaun

Who Picked the Fruit?

2008-09-04T16:31:00.001-07:00

Dear Diary,

Sometimes in my life I've possessed little pockets of confusion within my being. Normally they come when a new situation comes forth. Recently, I've seen confusion hold my family in a certain way that makes me confused. I think thats the great big riddle of confusion, if you're confused...the next person becomes confused, then those people become confused and so on. Its a crazy process that happens. I often wonder, at what point did confusion enter the world? Was it when Even plucked a piece of fruit from the tree, or was it when Adam stood there, his wife ahead...holding something edible from a crazy tree inside her palm? At what point does confusion happen? I believe it is when there is a lack of communication by some part or an interference of a certain set of sounds. For example, if you were listening to a song with the lyrics, "excuse me while i kiss the sky", a common set of lyrics by Jimi Hendrix. Well, there is a huge dilemma that is a result from a certain overbearing swell of distortion that occurs during those lyrics. Resulting from it, critics have added that the lyrics really say, "scuse me while I kiss this guy." So, in congruence with my theses, we can see that because a certain lack of communication occured, a whole different idea came forth. And because there was a total different idea, people became confused as to what truly the song was trying to say.

I think in life, we all become confused. I have been, I am, I will be. I sometimes reflect upon a time when I was able to see my grandfather in his final hospital bed. He was able to talk to us a bit the first time, he was somewhat coherant, and when he put his thoughts together he told us we'd come to points in our lives where we'd wonder why, why certain things would happen, etc. I think he talked a little about confusion and why it comes.

Later on down the road, we were able to return and see my grandfather lying on his bed unconscious. His time was short. I became confused. Why would such an amazing man pass away? The lack of communication that caused me to become confused, was that I wasn't totally understanding the voice of the Holy Spirit telling me everything was okay. I later was able to look at life in a different manner. I realized that my great grandfather had passed away and I wasn't confused. It was becase I listened to a voice and I acted accordingly.

I think that is one great attribute: the gift of being able to listen. I often fail to do my part...I think anyone who has talked with me on the phone or in person will know that I often interject and thus my art of listening fails.

I chose to write about this topic because I need to listen more. I need to lessen my confusion on many topics. As I found the key to overcoming confusion, I realized I'm more happy because I know what is what, and there is no question.

Shaun Nelson

ps-listen.

the Smell of Milan

2008-08-30T23:37:00.000-07:00

Currently I am sitting down in front of a big, fat computer jotting my ideas down through my fingers smacking the keyboard. I maybe look somewhat archaic aka 1970's, as I do the two finger pounding on the keys technique. Joke, I'm actually not too bad at typing...I guess that's what comes from many years taking desktop publishing classes in High School, being forced to type well. I just want to write a little bit about the past week or two. They have been intense. I fell in love with the girl of my dreams. Its quite amazing, to me, the fact, of how our paths met and the variables in which we've come to live within. I had to do one of the hardest things of my life as I watched her from a distance as I walked through my security checkpoint and the events there after. I beheld a girl who truly loved me for me, the person that I am, the true guy that I have become. And for her to be so loving and caring and accepting, even with my many faults, it made it near impossible to say goodbye and then I almost missed my plane! I wouldn't have minded, but don't tell anyone!

But yeah, we kinda had the notion that it'd be the last time we'd see each other for a couple of months. One of us in Hawaii, the other in Arizona, both at amazing Universities realizing our goals. With that thought, the thought of your true love living in a foreign land, I almost snapped from uncertainty and that bitter sting that comes from separation. And so it is today, this past week of my life has been the longest I have had. When you're in love, it plays a few tricks on you, time gets a little bubbly and it becomes hard to make sense of. Your senses are heightened, the slightest things seems so dramatic. I feel like I'm getting a B- on the long distance relationship test. I'm trying so hard by being supportive, loving, kind, happy, sympathetic, but other than writing text messages, phone calls, and the random email...what else can I do? This is where time travel would be so amazing. It'd be the answer to the riddle of my life.

I really hope these next 15 weeks of school this semester fly by really quick. Then Ill see her everyday! I actually am going to be visiting Kelly in October, I'm flying out to Hawaii for about 5 days and then Ill be able to see the most amazing girl in the world for almost a week! You have no idea how happy and excited I am...shes just perfect. One of those people that you always want to be around, one of those people that makes you feel like a million bucks. She's pretty, intelligent, true, pure, kind, and has almost bigger calves than me!!! haha.

Well, once again...this long distance calling thing has been killing my sleep time so my eyes are shutting as I write. I think I'm done for now. I found her.

Shaun

Que Pasa La Vida!

2008-08-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

Whoa man, I've got a question: how can life become so crazy? Well, I'm not sure exactly how, but it does. I think we start realizing how complex life is when we get a bit tired or agitated. For me, when I'm tired...I begin to think a lot, I then wonder why there is so much, I wonder why I have to work so hard to be the person I am. Its basically been like that my entire life. I've always had to work hard to get anything. If anything, its taught me a few basic truths that can take a lifetime to realize.

1) Anything worth anything requires some kind of sacrifice.
Lets say theres an amazing girl. She is the most amazing girl you've ever been around/with. So as a result, you sacrifice your evenings, you sacrifice your sleep, you sacrifice your pocket, you sacrifice anything...and in this action of sacrifice a pure type of attachment begins. Something thats so real. It becomes more meaningful to you, and life becomes more whole.

Take that principle and put it to anything: a car, job, education...the list goes on.

2) In hard work, or when you're under the gun, you are defined.
Have you ever wondered why life seems to pile up on you? Its kinda like you're the Hoover Dam for a second and problem after problem can be compared to the water just backing up and getting heavier and heavier, just beating you down. If you take the dam for instance, you've got an amazing structure: thick, tall, and beautiful...and if it was just as it is (a structure) it'd be cool but it wouldn't really mean anything. But when you learn of what it does, how it works, the conditions under which it is placed, then you realize how amazing this is. Thus it is with me in my life. When I have to worry about a friend, when I have to worry about how I'm going to be able to finish school in less than 2 years by taking huge semester loads, when I think of how much more in shape I need to be, how much more spiritual I need to be too, everything seems like its out of control. There really are a million things that I should be worrying about, but why don't I?

A while ago, after almost snapping, due to the effects of letting everything fall upon my own shoulders, I was taught to never worry too much. I now compare any human being to that of which he or she is in that defining hour to that dam. Are you strong? Are you powerful? I firmly believe that any persons finest hour comes when a hard battle has been fought and overcome. When you have pains and sores on all fronts, all sides, you learn your limits, you learn your strengths and your weaknesses. And as you learn your true strengths and your true weaknesses, thats when you can fight any fight and come forth victorious. Why do you think the Yankees beat the Confederates? They used their strengths, and didn't get themselves into situations where their weaknesses would be exposed.

I thought I'd have enough energy and wanting to write alot tonight. But 2 more facts about me: I hate computers, and I like to rest when I'm tired!

I'm tired

I'd like to rest.

Shaun

The Flood

2008-07-25T22:48:00.000-07:00

So many things have happened in my life recently. I was able to make a Pilgrimage to the place I used to call home among the Midwesterners of Illinois and Iowa. It was a time of re commitment and self evaluation to become the being I once was many months ago. Upon my arrival in those states...floods had recently devastated parts of those areas...and many floods began to enter my mind, they consisted of old memories and feelings and things I used to carry so frequently with me. Imagine yourself...you grow up in a certain place, you're there basically your entire life, you leave for a couple of years and create a new home...you're ripped out of this new home and place and transplanted back to your first home...then you go back for a couple weeks to this place you'd grown to love. Its hard to get your mind around, and I don't think you can unless you've done what I've done...which many missionaries do so there are otros tambien!!!

I've been struggling with myself lately. I'm not sure why...I guess I realized that I used to be able to do so many things that I'm not able to do anymore. Like help and be selfless 24 hours a day. I miss it. Now, being back in the world a person must tend to their needs or you can't make it anywhere. But I feel I made it so much further when I didn't ever have to worry about myself. Oh the battle it is. I just want to be at total peace with myself. I've approached that state of nirvana a few times in my life but as quickly as it comes, it leaves the same way.

How do you capture solace and peace of mind?

Life is amazing. I have amazing friends. I have an amazing family.

Shaun

Dudes, Chicks, Me

2008-07-02T20:38:00.001-07:00

Hello all,

So recently I've been one exhausted camper. My days are filled with waking myself up at about 4 in the morning each day, working for 8-10 hours, coming home, showering, swimming, lifting, riding or running, eating, hanging out with someone then maybe showering again if I'm sweaty, and finally time for bed. Then the process starts over again. I'm amazed at how much a creature of habit I am. For being as opposed to the norm as I am, I find myself falling into normality with the same day over and over and over again, it sucks. Don't get me wrong...when I'm with others we always do different things and its usually fun/exciting, and thrilling...but all the other things are spelled out.

I guess I've had alot of things to think about lately.

First things first, So theres this girl...
And its a really cool story. I'm not sure why I like writing about things like this over the net but hey, I guess if one person can pull something from my life and better their life a bit, then my goal has been accomplished, and I'm an open book for the most part so I don't hide things. But anyways the past couple of weeks have been absolutely amazing. You see many moons ago there was this one female who had a boyfriend...I liked the girl, was friends with the dude and so on. Weird situation I know. But anyways, 3 years after all that I was able to meet up with this girl and things clicked. Its amazing how much each of us has changed these past 3 years or so. Okay so I was all nervous before we first went out cuz I thought that we'd both repel each other because of all the changes we'd developed, but it was totally the flip coin. To me at least I was even more attracted to this girl. I had seen someone overcome struggle and stand on top, looking down on problems and past trials with the glare of victory in her eyes. It was exhilarating to be around so much energy as she had.

Second thing, I guess I was just stoked. How rare is it when the girl you had a mad crush on years ago finally appears in your life again and something becomes of it? I think its darn rare. And recently I've gained another belief that things just don't happen for the heck of it, things happen for reasons, it seems that theres a greater hand or power always placing certain things in our lives and we have certain situations at special times. Seriously, this girl is AMAZING! I don't think I've ever been happier and as free as I feel when I'm around her! Good stuff, for sure!

Well, enough of soft things. I'm a dude. Dude's write things for dudes too. Thats why I'm writing, advertising, and recruiting all at the same time right here. Me and my buddy Blake are in the process of getting a fight club together. Basically its for college aged kids who are looking into competition a couple of nights a week. Everythings still under planning but basically there are two leagues, then its broken down from there. the first league for the sissies is boxing without headshots...I don't think thats even considered boxing but you always have people like that. The second league is full on boxing. Basically you go till you're down or tap out. You enter by paying a basic door/fight fee and its put into a pot and each league winner at the end of the night gains the pot. Its a basic concept and more details are to come but let me tell you, its time for Tucson to bring back boxing...its time to really fight...time to clean up the streets, get rid of gun fights and knife fights...but truly fight how were supposed to. If you're down let me know. A chicks league may start soon.

Well, enough things for chicks, enough things for dudes, enough things for me.

Peace,
Shaun

Who's the Great Phone Thief?

2008-06-22T18:32:00.000-07:00

My eyes are burning so bad right now. You should see them, they look like red peppers and garlic mixed together. Okay that wasn't the best analogy, but heres a better one; they look like the eyes of Amy Winehouse after a drug-filled night. I'm not sure why mine are so blood-shot, I don't do drugs and I wasn't around any smoke at all today. I was outside for a total of about 20 minutes as I'd walk in between buildings and a car to a building but nothing should make me deserve these bad boys. Wait, I got it. The riddle has been solved.

Two nights ago I wasn't able to get many zzzz's. I was up because of a dance thing and then I had to be up early the next morning to do a cleaning project. Yesterday was a busy day, I think I got to bed at 2 in the morning and woke up at 8. So once again it added to my sleep deficit. It was crazy, I went home today to see something happen for my Dad and then I woke my little brother up at 10 in the morn. He had fallen asleep at 6 pm the night before. Thats 16 hours of sleep. Crazy.

I haven't really had an crazy stories worth writing about lately. Well, there are a few but somethings you just don't write.

Yesterday was cool though, I ate a home maid protein bar. Seriously, how many of you can say you've done that in the past 90 days?

Oh yeah one more thing, I've created a bad, bad, bad habit. I think its the worst habit I've ever developed. Since yesterday I've lost my phone about 6 or 7 times. They've been pretty scary (losses) too. One was where I thought I left it in Jamba Juice after me and Ashley had smoothies by the University. The next was actually about 30 minutes later when I was in her apartment. Then I almost lost it before I left (1 hour later) to hang out with the dudes, it was trying to hide itself underneath a dresser or bookcase. Then later, (15 minutes later) that night when I got to the apartment I noticed it was gone again. At this point I was pretty scared, the phone thief was out to get me. So anyways after chilling for a bit and playing some guitar with some fellow guitarist, namely Hans Brown...we got all our camping gear together and when we almost took off we decided to see Get Smart instead of driving up the mountain and camping. It was only a few minutes away instead of an hour. Well, as I got out of the car to go to the theater, it was gone again, (1 hour later).

Every time I had left it behind. I'm an idiot I know. However, I firmly do believe that Ashley is the great phone thief disguised in beauty to kinda cover up how guilty she is...at least for 3 of the times! haha! Actually the great phone thief is stupidity. That is the reason for everyone having phone function problems, its the reason people lost their phones...its simple. Simple basic stupidity. I guess I possess alot of that stuff, losing a phone 6 times in about 6 hours doesn't come from carrying Einstein genes. Maybe I can change, I hope....

Well, you've read the lines of a fool who's got a crazy bad habit of losing his phone. Welcome to bad habitsville.

Did I tell you how happy I am? Well, I am. It feels good to be a guy. (Brad Paisley-Still A Guy)

"The More Girls I Meet, the more I love my cat!"

2008-06-19T15:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Isn't life exciting? Since I've been home from my 2 years of active duty as a missionary for for Jesus Christ affiliated through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I've had so many awesome experiences. I think its only been about 4 months since my arrival to my hometown of Sahuarita Arizona. But I just want to write some of my reflections on some things I've learned in these past 4 months...maybe they'll touch some reader way out there in some way or another. I do feel like I've been through alot in my life. I feel like everybody has been through alot in their own life but rarely are these events expressed and opened to the world. For a quick example, if you look at any author, or musician...involuntarily sometimes, these peoples lives are exposed to the entire world. These people aren't any different than you or me but they just have the ability to express these things. The musical activist Ani DiFranco is coming to Tucson next week and if you pick up any of her cd's and listen to it for that hour or so, you'll learn so many things about her life. Everyone has awesome experiences, but only a few open them and put them into that floating dimension of free knowledge.

One thing I know, is the border system in the United States. I think its quite humorous sometimes...I've got some amazing friends that have crossed the border many times in search for a greater amount of freedom. One of these guys was telling me how the border fence ends just past some mountains west of Nogales Arizona. So basically you only have to walk a few miles to the west and head north, cross some mountains and you're in Tucson. The funny part about it all is if the US wants to keep entrants from coming, why not extend that fence to the other end? There are so many little things which are funny, because so many people fight and argue about little things...but really if you think about it, the little things aren't even being done.

Another thing I've learned is of sacrifice. I've been told I don't know much about this topic but I believe I do. Some people think its sacrifice to pick up a rock in the street and give it to your neighbor. Its not really a sacrifice at all unless you look at whom its coming from. Is it coming from the crippled man who wanted to get his son a gift as he had nothing, or is it from the rich business executive who was too cheap to go to the store? Just giving something doesn't make it a sacrifice, but the heart and intent from which it was given. Recently I spent about 5,000 dollars to visit a few or two in a different country. To me that was a huge sacrifice. That was enough money for me to pay for a year of college tuition and perhaps even some books. Or to even buy a new car or something else. The money wasn't necessarily the sacrifice but it was the spirit of my heart as I decided to give up some things. With pure intentions, wanting to strengthen friendships and wanting to experience new life, and to help...those are things that were at the heart of my sacrifice. But what I don't understand is how some people can be so closed off as they see something from one point of view and don't give the other view any play at all.

Some people believe that when you sacrifice as a group, greater rewards will come. It can be seen through people paying for something together, or offering something together...people sometimes believe that the greater number of people participating in whatever will strengthen it. Kind of like fasting together or something like that. But thats false too. Let me show you why. If you take the perfect sacrifice only one person could have done it. That was Jesus Christ as he performed his great Atonement. God didn't have many men in the garden praying because it was the sacrifice of one individual, not a group, that counted. Through sacrifice we learn and we grow. We give of our interests and desires sometimes to help those of another person and in so doing we acquire new interests and desires. Thats what my two year mission was. It was a time for me to put me aside and to put people on the altar of service. Look at my sacrifices...

haha, this one is a good topic.

Chicks,
In my life there have been different types of girls I've been interested in. Some have been beauty queens, some have been deep soul searching artists, some have been ingenious, some have been very serious people, some have been very open and free spirited, some have been shy, some have been very outgoing, some have been athletes, some have been dancers, some have had eating disorders, some have liked to eat alot, some have spoken spanish, some have been my religion, some haven't.... point being, there have been many. And the longer I go in this life I realize how into some people I really get. Its like the Carrie Underwood song The More Boys I Meet. Well I should just change it to "The More Girls I Meet." however there is one line in it that I absolutely love: it says "its not like I'm not trying cuz Ill give anyone a shot once, and said I close my eyes and I kiss that frog, each time finding, the more (girls) I meet, the more I love my dog." But from that spirit I write these lines. I give everyone a chance once, but still I haven't found that one. I have learned alot about people in my experience with girls, I've learned things I like and dislike and I don't look back on anything as being a waste because I was able to learn something from it. But what I'm learning is that inner beauty is such an amazing thing, but it must be accompanied by physical beauty too! Thats just me...some people lean more to one side then the next...but there is a balance, I've dated a few of them before who've met that balance...and who knows, but I have realized that balance for me!!! Good news! So all females that are attractive both inside and outside, beware! a dude from Southern Arizona is available!

Well, I'm tired of blogging, I actually got really sick last night and vomited a lot so it was a day off from work that was well needed. But I'm missing the sun, so its time for a walk!

Peace,

Shaun

ps- go listen to Carrie Underwood!

Thoughts on Censorship

2008-06-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

Well today was a good Sunday. But today led me to gain a stronger belief in a few things. I want to paint another picture in your mind, imagine Enron at its prime...a global masterpiece. A business functioning perfectly. Well what happened to Enron down the road? Plots and schemes were uncovered and one of the most powerful companies in the world had a downfall. The reason I say that is because its a known fact that any man operated institution will have its flaws and downfalls...but when it comes face to face to a spiritual level, and they merge into one lane...what do you do?

I've long been believer in freedom of thought, expression, belief, religion, hope, love...everything basically. We are all free and need to live in that sphere of freedom, it has no ridge or boundary...but in this society we are taught to live within parameters...were taught that we can only become a lawyer...or a bricklayer. In school, were taught that planets are round, that we need to plant trees, and a million other things. But where is the freedom in that? Where is the self lived life thats not lived by the belief of another person? Where is the life that exists outside the parameters of another individual? The longer I live the more I learn that no one lives on the outside. It seems to me that were all encapsulated in this little sphere called mother Earth and that anyone who enters has a certain way to think...a certain way to act...a certain way to believe...etc.

Today I was about to meet with a stake president about an event that happened long ago. But before I did I saw an old mentor of mine who had moved up the ranks in the church and became a bishop. This bishop has always been an avid hunter and sportsman...a wild man you might say...and he's always had a mustache. I talked to him today a bit and asked him if he was going to put any deer antlers in his new office or anything on his walls...he replied no. And then he went on to tell me that he's also been asked to shave for his position. When I heard that I wondered why? I talked to my brother recently about it and he said that in the church, were losing alot of the meaning of whats its about...but its becoming more about image. Its becoming more conservative...thats the image. In a sense encapsulation is occurring again. A man, whose beard is a part of him had to give it up to fit into a cultural norm...he had to suppress his self, and in a sense was censored in the name of the Lord and conservatism. To me, its not right.

Who do we become when we live within the lines of another? We don't become ourselves. We become trapped into the hopes and aspirations and dreams of others. We lose our true identity. I really am tired of living in a world full of censorship...even looking at talks and discourses from the presidents of the United States of America, the Apostles of my Church, the Bible, Ive seen proof that all these things have had things pulled from them in different articles that had once been prepared. Ideas are stripped of their meaning and that one idea that once flew so high and was so majestic was no suppressed into the thought of another.

Now bringing censorship to my level. Many times in my life Ive been criticized for my unorthodox way of looking at things. Usually it comes through the leaders of my church. At times Ive thought it necessary to bring into church discourses, cyclical history: including people such as Malcolm X and Dr. Martin Luther King, Martin Luther, Charles Darwin...and the list goes on. I don't do it for a show but I do it because I believe these men were all inspired by God to do their own work. Darwin believed in evolution, do I believe I came from an Ape? Not one bit, but I do believe he was called and given intelligence to make huge gains in science. He taught that the one who survives in an environment is the one thats most apt to change. Even in religion that makes perfect sense. But it appears my words always come under some type of scrutiny because I try to stretch those parameters a little wider, to have people understand what were living in, subconsciously. What I want is a nation of free thought. A nation of respect. Obviously my request will bring some criticism and crude remarks because people have become comfortable with life under the bubble. But we must open our minds...then we begin to live.

Don't get me wrong. I believe in God and know for a fact that we must follow his commandments...but thats what I believe in HIS commandments, not the commandments of men or corrupt politicians. When we follow the commandments of God, thats when that bubble bursts and life becomes free. We begin living for a higher set of laws and the expectations and dreams of men cease to make us move. We develop a vision, and with no bubble to blur that vision thats when a constant, steady progression toward God becomes possible. The closer you get towards God, the closer you get towards knowing yourself.

I hope this made sense, its been weighing on my mind alot lately as Ive felt the heat and seen the effects of having myself hidden.

Open your mind and live.

Shaun

Who Are You?

2008-06-06T21:14:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling lately that I need to write more about what goes on inside my head. I feel I'm a pretty normal guy, however I do like to think about things that people don't think about much, and if that makes me weird then so be it.

I've really been analyzing myself lately and why I am the person that I am. I have this problem where it seems that nothing sticks with me. I just lose interest in things in one days time. Its like I go from hot to cold in an instant. Only a few things in my life have been different. I've stuck with sports, I love them and Ill never become cold in that sense. I love learning, I always will. I love travelling, I always will. But when it comes down to things such as people...usually I'm so shifty and its usually if not always my doing. I just lose interest in people way fast, in all walks whether its a girl I like or sometimes just a friendship...sometimes I just go way cold and I don't know why, or do I?

I'm really beginning to learn alot about myself and its an amazing thing. I'm learning how many dimensions I truly have that most people, including myself, are blind to. I think most people don't truly understand who they are. Yes, you can say the classic "I am a child of God" and yes its true but theres more to it than that. What do you know about you? Do you know what you want? Do you know what you like? Do you know what your friends like you to like? and do you know the difference between? Do you know, who you truly want to become in 1 year? Do you know what you'd do in a certain situation?

There are so many things that have been on my mind and as I've been thinking and praying and meditating on these things, my eyes have been opened and I am beginning to approach that freedom which only a few truly unlock. Bob Marley unlocked his freedom, I'm about to unlock mine.

For anyone who reads this that couldn't answer any of those questions above...go on a trip by yourself...maybe just a drive out to the mountains and really think about them and stay there all day if need be. Sleep in the streets of Venice and think. When you think you live, when you live you love, when you love you are free. Wow, cool quote I made up.

Be yourself...be you...who are you?

shaun nelson

The Drive From Phoenix...

2008-06-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

So recently Ive been troubled by the odd drive it is from Phoenix Arizona to Tucson Arizona. I Was up there today, and yesterday as a matter of fact...also last week for a couple of days for work, as we were doing alot of things under the blazing sun, after all the blood sweat and tears finally there comes that point during the day where you're done. I don't think theres a greater feeling...well, I'm sure there is out there some where but I don't know what it is yet. Ill keep you posted.

So today, after one of the most intense work days of my life, the day was called...the job was finished. So we ended up taking the mixer back to the store and then my Dad dropped me off at Dairy Queen so I'd be able to get some food for our lunch/dinner on our way back to Tucson. Well he reached deep down in his wallet, I didn't know it got that deep and he pulled out this old debit card that looked like it was from Back to the Future, it was almost historic...and then I grabbed this little thin card and he said to order some food for the ride back...I got up in line, ordered a chicken basket and shake and some stuff for my father but then the lady started having trouble with her machine. She came back a while later, after the line had become amazingly huge, and gave me 3 little denied papers. She handed them to me and didn't say anything...I was thinking wow, theres alot of receipts here and said the normal thanks! I sat down and realized I was denied because of that ancient card from an ancient account thats money had become fossil fuel itself.

So I sat there and was a bit mad...I had a ton of hunger. I went outside and began waiting for a bit...first off as I was waiting for Dad to come back from down the street, a 23 year old mexican girl came up to me and tried selling me cologne...she tried hitting on me for a bit and she realized I had no interest at all and finally she left. Then about 3 minutes later a dude came up, he had a funny new yorker accent and then he tried selling me some cologne...I didn't give in. Then we talked about travelling and the outdoors, and to cap it off he asked me for a cigarette. I then had the pleasure of telling him I don't smoke.

But back to my main point...my dad finally came and realized he gave me an inactive card and tossed it...okay that wasn't my main point either.

Here we go:
So we got outside of Casa Grande and there were parts of Giant Toys just chilling in the desert. I wondered why...

That was fine and dandy, maybe the hulk's little new born son needs a ginormous playground when he's in hulk mode and those are his figurines.

But the main point of randomness that I was was when I looked to the right and saw a huge ostrich farm in the middle of the desert. I'd passed by it many times before...seriously probably 100 times in my life but today it stuck out so much. Why are there ostriches in the middle of the sonoran desert? I don't know if you've ever seen one up close, but those things are scary...I think someone might see animals of that sort in el infierno despues de la vida nuestra.

I am still in shock by the ostriches. Why are they here? What are they doing? What purpose do the serve being caged in the desert? There are so many questions that come from such a simple bird.

Well, there were many other things along my journey that seemed out there from another dimension.

Until we hit that other sphere,

shaun nelson

Is it Me Whos Knocking on Heavens Door?

2008-05-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

So lately Ive had alot of time to think as Ive been sitting in various trains through European countryside. For me, its always seemed that my thoughts pull me one way or another. For example, the other day...I went on a day trip to Bologna to see what it was all about. As I got there, i was obviously all decked out my backpacking gear for the journey, I eventually got pretty hungry and wanted to get a bite to eat. In Bologna there are alot of McDonalds, so I was partial to going there, and i figured that a McDonalds at least would have somebody that spoke english. But then reality punched me and said, look dude youre in bologna italy, eat like a freaking italian. so i took this cousel and went to a little tiny pizzaria. When I got inside, i ordered my meal in italian, and then the lady went off with alot of questions for me in italian and i was extremely lost. i just smiled, you know how it is. and then i said sorry i only speak english and spanish in spanish...and she kept talking a mile a minute. i was scared, i just ordered menu item 1, why were there so many questions?

at the point of my frustration, when it got to its highest point, i just looked over to my right and noticed 3 people, a girl and her parents and then this girl started speaking to me in english. she then translated what was going on, the lady had asked what kind of drink i wanted and also if i wanted to wait a little while for fries as they werent ready. i felt like an idiot, but i was grateful for this girl. i got in the small talk mode for a bit and she is actually from brazil, outside of sao paulo and was currently living in italia, i felt blessed that she was there. it was like perfect timing. then another girl, let me just add probably the most attractive italian girl ive ever seen, stopped my on the side of the street corner and started talking to me in italian. my face went blank as a beautful girl was wanting some game but it couldnt come out! haha. So i then went on to say sorry i dont speak italian and then she spoke to me a bit in english, get this shes taken like 8 years of it in school and she couldnt even go for 2 sentences at a time. But its cool, Bologna is known for two things, amazing food and the most beautiful girls in italy. Too bad im lost, ha.

but anyways that was a tangent if ive ever seen one. but seriously, thoughts pull out many actions in life. ive been thinking alot about the things that await me back home. in the coming days im supposed to pack my bags from here, fly through atlanta then to tucson...then a few days after that im supposed to move up around the uofa, where ive comitted to live for the summer in an apartment up there. im not sure if itd be the wisest thing to do though as i dont have much money saved up yet. all the money i had saved from the time i got out of the mission field to the time now has been spent here or getting me here. now when i get back ill start off at basically nothing and i have alot of needs. a scooter maybe, apartment fees, part of my schooling, living expenses...theres so much, not to mention my soon to be bishop doesnt like me very much and im not ready to enter a ward where im already judged for the worse. i just want a fair shot at anything...so im comitted to go there but at times i feel i should go to another ward...i have no idea, i guess im just venting. another thing, im having trouble getting all the business classes i need next semester, thats been weighing down on my mind as i want to just finish up school.

theres just alot, and im kinda breaking down...slowly but surely. i guess i kinda just want to run away from it all. its been a huge blessing for me, being able to be here 4000 miles away from my worries and cares, but soon those 4000 miles will be knocking on my door. im kinda scared...of course ill never show fear, guys just dont do it. but if i was ever going to be fearful of the future because of uncertainty, now would be the time.

alright so i just put on my armani sunglesses that i got outside of the vatican, in rome the other day. maybe theyll shade me from my worries for a few more days. honestly, they do the deed, im not scared im just tired.

im hoping therell be some good times either way. thanks for reading my blog,

shaun

La Vida Normal

2008-05-16T03:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, after a nice piece of pizza and a coke you tend to have bits of revelation that come to you out of the blue. That actually happened to me last night. I was walking along...I had alot of hunger so the pizzeria was right there. I got a sausage piece and also a piadini and a thing of Coca Cola and then came the showers of revelation. I first realized that my life hasnt been very hard at all. Most people that know me probably would think ive been through alot but thats not really true...im just another normal 22 year old guy, whos been through all the basic things a person can go through. but i kinda looked back and also the silouhettes of other peoples lives brushed up against mine...one of those old shadows was that of a homeless man...one was of a person with no legs...one was that of a person being the only one in their family of trying a new religion and way of life. So when you get back to me...what have I been through? Not very much.

I guess all those basketball games...the many road trips in football and track, the normal family situations and all those things were just that...normal. Things werent very hard. Dont get me wrong, I feel like life so far has been amazing, Ive loved every minute of it, but i guess the thing is, is that people have it hard. And Ive been having a greater urge lately to help them.

Im enjoying Italia so far, I kinda wish I could travel around a bit more, like to other countries and such. I really want to go to Germany and Spain...but because I suck at planning i think im only limited to Italy...bad news bears.

Well, i better roll, peace out to all!

Lost

2008-05-11T03:58:00.000-07:00

Well, since this past Thursday I have been so far away from mi casa in Arizona. I had to say adios to the desert and the mountains, my dogs, Eric...my family, a new nephew...and the list goes on. Another crazy thing is that recently Ive had some good times with my old buddies and its been cool. I met up with KJ a few weeks ago on accident and we picked up right where wed left off two years prior. I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends.

Well, as I was sitting on the plane from Atlanta to Milan...I had alot of time to think about life...the future...the past...the present, well, basically everything. What was neat was, as I was sitting over the Atlantic Ocean, I had tried to sleep but couldnt and in my frustration from it all I looked towards the center aisle. I saw a girl writing in her journal, then I looked outside up in those stars so far away and a song came to mind. I dont think Ive had inspiration like that before, it was so instantaneous...so I reached for my songbook and began to write.

This time, as Ive been here in Italy, has brought on alot of thoughts and reflections for me. You might be asking what is he about to write...well, ill tell ya. I forgot my journal in Arizona.

So the story unwinds. It seems like all your very creative moments come when you have nothing to capture it in time. Your brain is supposed to suffice the situation but rarely does it do the trick. At least mine, because im so scatterbrained.

But I just want to write a quick narrative of my life for the past week or so.

Many things have happened. I have been in the amazing country of Italy for the past almost week and my eyes have opened much wider than ever before. My first night in Milano was quite amazing. We stayed with a lady named Cristina and her family...they were very humble but so loving and kind at the same time. Seriously, thats what Ive seen all around Italy so far...people love you. People are very accepting and it seems that the relationships that begin here are so much deeper and theres alot less superficiality which is what id seen alot in Arizona right before I left. I think us Americans are more laid back, but Europeans definitely know how to live life. I wonder if Ill ever be able to balance the two. So we stayed there that night and then the following day we had travelled down towards one of the richest areas in the country. Its East of Florence about two hours on the coast...theres a few towns like, Pesaro, Rimini, Ancona...and many others off the Adriatic Sea. I get the beach vibe everywhere I go around here.

I consider it better than any other place Ive been before, as far as overall beauty and that relaxation factor that makes life worth living is so incredible here. I think its neat to see everybody speaking a language I dont know. Growing up in Arizona, I was always around Spanish...so i always had known enough, and crossing the border was no big surprise because most people had broken english anyway...then after my mission I had learned spanish so it became not weird at all and i knew basically everything the people would say. but then when i got here, its been nothing but italian. I know some nouns...but other than that, nothing. It kinda made me think of what its like for those who enter the country who dont know the language where im from. am i accepting? am i warm? there are many things, ive learned, that i need to do to become a better person. its so cool to be able to walk down the street and not know whats going on...its fun to sit on the beach and have a guy walk up to you that only knows italian and french and trying to talk to him for 30 minutes...its pure fun.

So thats what my lifes been like the past few days. Alot of absorbing the italian culture which is what i love. i only hope i can love as they do in my life. the family that im staying with is somewhat like the first...they want the best for you every moment of the day and will do whatever to make you happy, all day...every day. I am grateful for wonderful people that have been placed in my life, i just wish i could tell them that and have them understand, haha.

Last night was kinda crazy though, i wont lie. i had gone on a beach run in the afternoon and hung out for a bit, then when it was about 8 i tried coming back but got really really lost. i was running up and down alot of neighborhoods and streets but i couldnt find via toscanini. haha...it was crazy...i walked myself into a hood where the people were all eating out of the dumpster and where it was really shady. im glad i got to see it all. finally after 3 hours or so of being lost...i found my way back home. i wish 1 of the people id asked wouldve known...haha but oh well.

im still way exhausted from the flight as im 9 hours ahead. but im sure itll go away soon.

i better get going...but pray that ill find my journal somewhere...im sure i brought it but im sure i lost it.

ciao!
shaun

5 Gallons of Love

2008-05-05T17:40:00.001-07:00

Today I've been wondering about potato chips and water. Its an odd combination you might add, yet to me these two foods have been the sustaining factor in my life for this Monday. I wonder why chips are so delicious. Today, on the menu, there were Frito's: Chili Cheese flavored. Oh man did they make the soul smile. As far as the water goes, well...it tasted a bit bland. It was more bland and unordinary than a normal taste of water. I tasted traces of salt, traces of house particles and a million other things. While walking up a huge hill, to southern face of a house, with a wheelbarrow full of concrete, I spotted a 5 gallon thing of water. It was like in was of those mirage type things where you're so gone you start seeing things you wish were there. Yeah, that was it...I think I actually smiled pretty big as I approached the thing...no more hose water...

So there I was, me...myself...an empty bottle of water and a huge 5 gallon sucker. I quickly put my bottle to the nozzle and started filling it up and I felt this coldness. Sooner than later that water was gushing down my body and it was basically the best I've felt in a long, long time. I think God gave us water for an important reason...it kinda saves us at times, well it did to me right then after a hard, long day of work.

I'm not sure if he gave us potato chips, but I do know that they were inspired by Him. And I firmly believe, after this day, that a man can live happily ever after on chips and water.

2008-05-04T22:06:00.001-07:00

So today was a good day. By the way, that post before was just an introduction so I think it'll be okay to write a second post in one day. Lets just say I'm addicted to blogging. So today was a good day of church. I was with two of my good friends that live in the Pink Palace, and for those of you who don't know what the Pink Palace is, well...it is a place of love, it's a place of dirty underwear and a dirty swimming pool. Its a place of sleeping in sleeping bags and walking around with next to nothing on. Its a place of friendship. I can see the day when many people call the Pink Palace the crossroads, or the intersection that changed their life. Anyways, as I've been getting these amazing views into this palace that carries such a fascinating aura...I guess my mind has been getting thirstier and thirstier to write. Back in the day I used to whip out random 10 page letters to friends and songs every day...but the laziness from again has crept up a bit.

12:45 hits and its time to go to church. We go, me and Mark, and then arrive at the Institute. Its a place, kinda like a church building but with alot of classrooms for religious studying as well, and got there a bit late. We were waiting outside for a bit and the coolest guy ever walked up. He was decked out in his biker ropa and casco and we chatted for a bit, then it was time to enter. Well, the man looking over the congregation gave me a quick glare and I winked back at him. Little did I know the events that would happen after that.

It was a good day of church, the after activities and meetings and discussions were pretty good. I was getting to a point in the story where I thought I'd have the courage to muster up a few things to say of why I felt like such a piece of crap this afternoon...but I can't find the means to write it. I guess it just sucks sometimes when you think you're right but you're wrong. It sucks sometimes when you just want to see change but no one else around you does...I guess it just sucks sometimes when you want truth and freedom but truth and freedom are being held back. Its like you're living in a convex world, or better yet...a world with a crazy funnel over your head and stuff just keeps adding to it more and more. Well, I guess I can tell you one thing, a man-pretty high up in my church took me aside and talked to me about a few things. He said he didn't know if I was a good missionary, or even if I'd be a good father.

To me, those were insults. I don't think anybody knows how hard I worked for two years as a missionary. I gave everything I had, I was as obedient as I could possibly be, I learned to serve and how to give of myself...I wish I could just show that to people sometimes...but people usually judge me because I have shaggy hair...because I have a stoner accent, because I like a good laugh, because I'm free spirited. So be it, my life will never be run by the expectations of another except of Jesus Christ. Dang, I guess I'm just still pretty heated, or maybe I'm just way too tired.

I just realized I didn't even write a blog. I was going to write in on liberation and equality...my two favorite things...crap.

oh well, time for bed I suppose.

shaun

The Cool Thing to Do on A Horrible Day

2008-05-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

So this is the second time I've ever toiled with writing something online. The first time was a few years ago before my mission where I had a live journal page...well needless to say, someone, a dear close friend, rebuked me for writing something and I began to wonder if I should publish my thoughts to the entire world. I realized maybe a journal would do the handy dandy trick, so I resolved to use a pen and paper for the past 3 or 4 years.

A lot of people have tons of random thoughts and insights in blogs and I guess mine might be somewhat similar. Also, I love to write about struggles. In struggles I see battles won and I see a certain shade of beauty. I'll probably end up writing a few struggles I face...especially when the time comes when I have to study and write huge papers and when I have huge tests...those will be some intense struggles. Maybe Ill even write some songs that I've written, or those short stories that once had the hopes of changing the world.

Lets face it, some of the most amazing men and women this world has ever seen have done things with their hands. Jesus, way back in the day swooped down to the ground and wrote as he and a sinner woman were under the heat from an opposing party, Jimi Hendrix changes music as he wrote words that change the way you feel. Letters of war, were signed by a hand on some random piece of paper and those started change and hate and division. Wow, aren't the hands powerful? Maybe Ill have that amazing influence one some person down the road, maybe theres that old vagabond looking for some words that can pull him through. Well vagabonds and miss vagabonds, sailors, models, movie stars,...whoever, this is it...the 2nd blog ever created by Mr. Shaun Nelson.